December 2009
41 posts
(via steveagee)
ok agee, listen, i am SICK of not...
a typical evening with best friends
MD: "the hangover's zach galifiny"
me: "the cousin of 'boy meets world's mister feeny"
MD: "corky romano's chris kattan"
me: "cousin of 'life goes on's corky thatcher"
MD: remember when george costanza has sex with the cleaning lady at his office
me: finally a question i can answer yes to
me: instead of "remember love"? which no, i still dont
MD: what if i did something like that
me: AHAHAHAHAHA
Guess what it looks like you're doing!
I have a confession to make. Any time I see anyone cough, I can’t stop laughing. I just completely lose all self control and all I can do is mentally superimpose boners in front of people’s faces. I mean, have you SEEN any cough commercials? Or just seen, in real actual life, a human being coughing? It’s the most perfect opportunity to throw a dick in someone’s...
Love in the time of Panera, or “My life is a...
Monumental life lessons
Never ever buy your 13 year old sister a phone for Christmas.
If you fuck up and still somehow get your 13 year old sister a phone for Christmas, don’t fucking give her your number. If you want to prank her, prank her (prank her ass RIGHT THE FUCK OFF), but maintain your secret “I’m totally not your sister at all” identity. This is very important…
Because if you...
Christmas got fingered during "Blade" last night,...
steve: I can't fucking wait for this day to end!
me: i am going to feed this day to a fucking dinosaur
me: i am going to write this day's phone number in the girls locker room and say that its a greasy slut
steve: I want to cum on today's back and kick it in the head
me: i am seriously going to invite this day to prom for a bet and then let it find out in front of the whole school
Very super serious questions and concerns
What is the best and most delicate way to ask a Columbian woman that cleans your home, in her native language, if she has seen a small purple G-Spot vibrator? Supplementary question: how do you know if your dogs ate your dildo? Supplementary supplementary question: how can you gently prod for information from children aged 8-13 to find out if they have seen or stolen your dildo, mistaking it for...
"god bless youtube, every one"-@dboz
MD: why would you skip such an important night in your adult life
me: oh what was that, i couldnt hear you over the sound of me drinking all the cokes i want way past midnight and watching wild hogs clips
MD: damn i got that for you for xmas
MD: not the movie, but an actual VHS compilation of wild hog clips
me: that you recorded digitally in front of your computer playing youtube clips and then transferred it to analog
me: friendship feels funny
8 tags
The 5 Best Christmas Movies of ALL TIME
I want to apologize to all the Jews out there and say right off the bat, I have really been blowing it my entire life, not being born Jewish in the first place. This is a daily struggle, okay? I’m with you, dudes. Regardless, this is my subjective list and I welcome any opinions or other lists.
5. Elf - Yes, I know. The thrill is gone. It’s BEEN gone. But there was once a very innocent...
sippor:
Cat Power - Good Woman (live)
oh god,...
the REAL reason it sucks being single right now
because giving my dad a tube of fresh balls will just be weird. it’s such a great gift…
tale of two pussies (2 pussies)
steve: you're 25!
me: yah its boring!
steve: i'd cut off one of my balls to be 25 again!
me: i've blown 2 dudes who both had 1 ball so
me: its not so bad
steve: so that's basically like blowing one guy
me: one of the dudes had cancer when he was like 18 so he also couldn't splooge either
steve: oh shit
steve: he'd have an orgasm but no ejaculation!?
me: yah! no stds!
me: no babies!
steve: no babies
me: (no abortions)
steve: AHAHA
steve: I've been with a girl that had one pussy
steve: it was awesome
me: BAHAHAHA
@steveagee
“Age shouldn’t affect you. It’s just like the size of your shoes - they don’t determine how you live your life! You’re either marvellous or you’re boring, regardless of your age.” - Morrissey
and by that i think morrissey means SHIT SUCKS AND HEARTS HURT AND ANXIETIES KILL US REGARDLESS OF AGE. you know. because it’s morrissey. fuck!
also, my mom just posted this to my...
“This one idiot guy, some loud-mouth reporter from Chicago, says to her,...”
“I know troubleshooting yourself in the foot
and acting as center of your own...”
– Buddy Wakefield, “The Information Man”
oh god.
mollyjoon:
what’s the deal with crazy ex-girlfriends?
"What did your dad ever do?" Dec. 16th edition:
My dad just stomped into my room really pissed off and scream-asked “did you go in my room and fart just now? it smells”. I didn’t really know how to answer that, because I guess even though that sounds like a pretty good dad-prank, I did not, in fact, go into his room before he walked in and lay a gnarly fart just to make him mad. Now my mom is literally on the floor in the...
The Story of a Girl →
maxsilvestri:
atencio:
An amazing / tragic post that sums up the naughties quite nicely. (via Jason Woliner)
I read through it twice. It hits all the nails on all their heads.
i just realized i can and actually MIGHT do a version of this for myself. also:
“What happened to the kittens?
Is she just going to ditch those dogs, too? This is making me really mad.”
Things I learned from teaching Middle School
I, for some reason, am a Catholic school theatre teacher. Last year I taught grades 1-8, but this year I only teach 6th, 7th and 8th. Here are the most important things I learned from this big change, besides that whole “6,000 dollars is a pretty steep pay cut” thing:
1.) How to embarrass the shit out of preteen boys.
When a human being gets to Middle School age, weird things...
My New Feminism!
danharmon:
Sexists don’t believe women are capable of being like men, but I do, because they are able to create little men with their insides! Somewhere in there, all the ingredients for a whole dude are just sitting around. If they really wanted, I’m sure they could work the TiVo. Joke for sale! Are you Tim Allen? Make me an offer!
You know the cat-ladies work it in their shoes...
My friend Joey is a cat-person. Thankfully, his cat-people-ness isn’t an obvious facet of his life, but one place it shows through is when he tries to pet my dogs. He has no idea what to do with them. He’s keen enough to know that you don’t necessarily stroke a dog from the top of its head to the tip of its tail in one long, sweeping, gentle motion, but that kind of confuses him, too. What he ends...
Ode to Sally Rogers
Shortly after I was born, my mom was in grad school and had started a residency on the psyche ward at the University of Texas Medical Branch. She was very independent womens (throw yo handz up at meee), and this left my dad to do lots of “mommy jobs” that he had NO IDEA how to do. He would have to do my hair before dropping me off at daycare, and I’d always have this terrible,...